Ask Relationship Experts: Why won't my ex come back to me ...

Matt Asked:

?Why won?t my ex GF come back to me? Why did we break up? How can she tell me she misses and loves me and wants to be with me but can?t?

I met this girl a year ago. She is 24 and i am 33. We dated until May 2012. She broke up with me and said something was missing. She would be picky about what i wore, to the gym and out, i changed my look for her, not that i minded, i honestly needed the change. She talked about marriage and kids from about 3 months into our relationship. She said I love you first. The issues as I see them:
1) She got text messages and phone calls from guys at 2am while we were dating
2) She would criticize what I was wearing, I would comply and change to ward off the argument
3) She blew off a family event of mine to study for the CPA exam, then the next night I went down to see her, after she said she was studying, she was actually at the bar and completely drunk where she couldn?t talk, she lied about how much she had at first but later came clean
4) She wouldn?t come to my house, granted I?m not the cleanest person and she was studying for the CPA exam, but I?d always be making the drive to her.

5) She wavered back and forth about sex, sometimes wanting it constantly, sometimes cutting me off for a week or two, saying it was because of her faith, and sex before marriage is a sin
6) I got a text message from a girl at 3am saying : You said you wanted to get to know me, all you wanted was a BJ.? This NEVER happened.
7) I lied to her about details of the conversation I had with this girl, I texted this girl some bad things the next day, and she ended up apologizing to me. I sent a screen shot of this to my ex, deleting the parts I sent to the other girl. Then sticking to the story about that her apology was the only thing I got from her for about 2 weeks.
Her double standards about what she can do, and when I do similar things, it?s the end of the world.
9) She would drink 4-6 days a week, and get completely drunk at least 3 nights a week.
After we broke up in May, we met a week later and talked. She said she needed to break up and that that first week was good for her. Little did i know that two weeks later we would get back together. I sent her a message and she said she missed me and was miserable without me(June 2nd). Things were going great, but she still wasn?t sold, i guess. She was going home for a weekend and didn?t want me to come(June 8th). This upset me, but i understood, i ended up posting a pic on FB of a corn field and she asked if i drove 2 hours north. I ended up driving up to her sisters for the party that Saturday night(June 9th). It was alot of fun. She stayed over the next night at my house, and got up early for work(June 10th). That night was when the text came from the girl that I talked about above. We ended up hanging out for another week, then breaking up again. She didn?t talk to me for a weekend(June 20th), and I ended up talking my way to seeing her that Sunday, and staying at her place. It was a nice time, but felt awkward to me. That week she was going to wedding in Denver that I was supposed to go with her to. She said she didn?t want me to go with her, so I said fine. That Wednesday night (June 27th) She called me at midnight and said the following:
1) Her family thought I drank too much at her sisters party, although I was completely sober
2) I lacked self control because I asked her brother to get cigarettes (smoke while drinking), The night I met him we walked to the store for smokes.
3) She didn?t like the way I was with my mom. My mom doesn?t return my calls, nothing I can do about that.
We met the next day for lunch (June 28th) had a good time, she said she meant the things she said the night before about missing me and loving me, but said ?Isn?t this the way people feel when they break up?? I said ?No, it?s not, they usually have this feeling but it goes away fairly quickly and they don?t tell each other that.? She asked me to text her while she was in the air to remember her overhead luggage and I did. She replied with Thank you, I love you.
We didn?t talk much after that for a week or so. She was having surgery so I sent her a text and called her saying I hoped everything would go well on the surgery(July 16th) We talked some, and since I was going to a game around where she lived, she asked me to pick up some medication for her and bring it to her. I did. At this point I told her I was done, couldn?t do it anymore, and that she would find someone who she could marry but it wasn?t me. I couldn?t deal with her back and forth anymore. She said she didn?t want this and wanted me back, but felt she didn?t know what she wanted completely. We ended up getting back together after that. Everything was going good. She was coming up to my house once during each of the next 3 weeks, and two of the next three Sundays she even stayed at my place. She got a new job and was moving to a city 2 hours from where she was, still just the same hour drive each way for me. I helped her write her resignation letter and things were good. Her friend came to visit her, and we texted while she was there. That Friday(Aug 11th) there was no contact. She called me the next day and said ?She needed to get over me, that she couldn?t get over the text and just needed to be done? I asked if she would change her mind in two weeks and she said no.
My friends sent her a message calling her immature and a whole bunch of other things and she was pissed. Don?t blame her, but I think everything was basically on point. Exactly two weeks later, when I was supposed to be in Cleveland for a baseball game, she started texting me. Saying how she was thinking about me all weekend, and her friend wanted to kill her because she kept bringing me up. I ignored these for awhile. Then she ended up saying ?I miss and love you and want to be with you, but YOU, not your friends, which matters? I told her my friends can think what they want, they don?t live my life and make decisions for me. They will get over this episode if she is committed and we work out. I told her to call me the next day. I haven?t heard from her since.

I guess I don?t understand how you send that to someone and have these feelings and fight them. We were so good together when we were good. I just want her back. How can I get her back? Should I even want her back? AM I crazy to keep holding onto this after going through the stuff I have over the last 3-4 months? Please help.?

- Matt (33, Dayton, OH)

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